My San Pedro Ceremony Experience
Since my self-discovery journey that started ten years ago, I have experienced using plant medicine better to understand myself, my ego, and traumas. After hearing it from my husband’s best friend, I’ve always wanted to try San Pedro, who is into plant medicine and alternative mind-altering experiences.
In addition, I’ve been intrigued by using psychedelics as a healing modality in modern therapy use ever since I met Amanda Fielding, the founder of the Beckley Foundation. She is such an inspiration, and what she does to help spread awareness about psychedelics and their use for therapy and treating illness is so transformative and forward-thinking.
The two primary purposes of the foundation are to:
- To scientifically investigate the effects of psychoactive substances on the brain and consciousness to harness their potential benefits and minimize their potential harms; learn more about consciousness and brain function, and discover and explore new avenues for treating illnesses.
- To achieve evidence-based changes in global drug policies to reduce the harms brought about by the unintended negative consequences of current drug policies; and develop improved policies based on health, harm reduction, cost-effectiveness, and human rights.
Source: https://www.beckleyfoundation.org/about/the-foundation
Introduction about San Pedro
If you don’t know about or haven’t heard of San Pedro (Echinopsis pachanoi), it is a cactus native to the Andean slopes of Ecuador and Peru. It is the South American cousin to peyote and most notably contains the psychoactive alkaloid known as mescaline. According to Wikipedia, Mescaline is a naturally occurring psychedelic protoalkaloid of the substituted phenethylamine class, known for its hallucinogenic effects comparable to LSD and psilocybin (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mescaline)
A shaman usually leads the group at a San Pedro ceremony, creating a safe space, and guides and assists the participants when needed. He/She also prepares the brew, blesses it and sets good intentions before the ceremony. Set and setting are essential, so the location and space must be conducive for the ceremony.
Before The Ceremony
Finally, an opportunity appeared, and I was lucky enough to be introduced to a female shaman who conducts San Pedro ceremonies. Before the ceremony, the shaman instructed us to abstain from red meat, caffeine, alcohol, weed and sugar for a few days because it was crucial to cleanse the body to receive the Medicine. We were used to eating vegetarian and vegan meals at home, so it was not difficult. But I found that abstaining from coffee was the hardest. So I had to wean myself to one cup of coffee in the morning for a week and had green tea in the afternoon.
We ate a simple meal of steamed potatoes, broccoli, and carrots the night before the ceremony. It would be our last meal until after the ceremony, 24 hours later. We were encouraged not to eat throughout the ceremony to keep the experience untainted, but if we got hungry, we could snack on fruits and nuts. That night, I took some time, thought about my intention, and wrote in my journal what I wanted from the ceremony. I recalled feeling very excited!
The Day Arrives
The morning came, and we woke up at 6 am to prepare and pack up. During the car ride, my husband and I shared our intention, and we were ready to experience and receive the teachings from the cactus. Soon we arrived at the destination. It was in the middle of nowhere, just farmhouses, open fields and animals. The scenery and place felt very homey and inviting.
We unloaded the car and went to settle in at the seminar room. Soon more people arrived and unpacked. Everyone had brought their duvets, sleeping bags and pillows to make themselves comfortable during the ceremony. While trying to make my space comfortable, I scanned the room and could sense a mixed bag of emotions- scared, nervous, eager, and excited from the participants’ faces.
Once everyone settled in, the shaman introduced some guidelines- we were responsible for ourselves and to ask for help when needed. She also explained what we might experience- when we feel uncomfortable, taking deep breaths and breathing through our experience will help ease the discomfort. After that, we all had to introduce ourselves to the group and tell everyone our intention for the ceremony.
The Beginning of the Ceremony
The ceremony starts- the shaman lights a stick of rolled tobacco, smokes it and blows it out in four directions- north, south, east, and west. Then she burns a bundle of sage to cleanse the energy in the room. Next, she carefully pours the thick San Pedro tea from a glass bottle into stainless steel cups. Her assistant then carefully hands them out to all the participants individually. When I received my cup and looked down into it, it was not appealing. It was a brown thick, gooey brew.
I repeated a Buddhist mantra (Om Mani Padme Hum) that my Dad taught me in my head before I drank the thick tea. I down the thing as quickly as I could, trying not to overthink. It reminded me of boiled herbal Chinese Medicine. I remember saying in my head, “I had Chinese Medicine before. This tea is nothing. I can do it”. As the tea hit my tongue, I remember thinking that no one could ever be addicted to San Pedro because the taste was terrible.
After drinking the tea, the shaman told us to lay down. We pulled our blankets and sleeping bags around us, got comfy and lay down for an hour. The effect probably took about 30 mins to be noticeable. At first, my tummy felt a little weird, and then I felt slightly nauseous, but I took deep breaths, and the feeling passed. I kept returning to my breath when the Medicine felt strong. Soon I could feel it course through my veins and all over my body.
After an hour, we had to get up and drink a second cup of San Pedro. This time I asked the shaman to give me just a little. I could have taken more, but I didn’t want to throw up. Then we lay back down again. This time the warm feeling became a vast embrace. It was as if I was giving myself a huge hug. It was the most comforting and beautiful feeling, like a mother’s hug. One of the participants described it as a cocoon, which was very much how it felt. I was in my embrace. I took mental notes to give myself more hugs in the future.
After the second cup, we went outside for a breather and a bathroom break. As I stepped outside, I was thankful for the cold, crisp winter air that hit my face. It reminded me to be here right now in the present. I looked down at the vegetable patch in the distance and saw a row of geese. The goose at the front led the flock to a small, blue coral-shaped sandbox used as a drinking pond. It made a loud “quack”, and the other geese quacked back. As if to say, “Yes, let’s drink from this water vessel.”
At that moment, I had an epiphany. I realized that we must be like geese or animals. They do not question what their purpose in life is. They simply exist and live in this majestic cosmos of what we call life. Life is so much simpler when we live in the flow, in the present moment, trusting the process. My learning was to be like the geese. Like why the fuck do we make life so complicated? Why do we love to suffer in the drama and stories we keep telling ourselves?
Group Excercise
After the short break, we did a group exercise. I was in a group with two ladies, one was a Brazilian woman, and the other was an older woman who was friendly but had a rugged cookie look. The shaman explained that the activity was to receive a healing touch from one another. So I volunteered to be the first to lie down on the mat. The older woman gently placed her hands on the sides of my head, and the Brazilian woman touched and massaged my feet and legs.
Then the shaman played a song. It was such a heart-opening song. I felt myself soften, and tears began to stream down my cheeks. The song was so touching, and the feeling of being held by other women was healing. I realized that it was okay to be supported by other women. I need that. I’m often the one holding space for others, and sometimes it is okay to ask for help and not do everything on my own. It was so cathartic to fully let go and let go of being strong all the time.
After my turn was the older woman’s turn, and as I touched her body, I could not stop crying. I felt a lot of emotions- I remember wanting to be free like her, a White woman. It was strange to think that way, but she looked liberated and proud.
Then when I touched the Brazilian’s woman legs, I also cried. I could feel how strong she is, how far she has come in her life, and how brave she is to show up to this ceremony. I was probably projecting, but I could feel the struggles of being a minority and the blood, tears and sacrifices she had to endure as a woman of colour. I was balling my eyes out. A wave of emotions just hit me hard! I could not stop crying.
Taking It All In
After the group exercise, we took a break and walked outside in nature to process what had happened. I was walking down the road and taking in the landscape. Snow-covered fields in front of me, with farmhouses spaced out. I felt a sense of peace, serenity and gratitude, standing alone facing nature.
I slowly walked back to the house, finding the older woman sitting on a bench outside. I felt drawn to sit next to her. We had a great conversation together. We spoke about how great we think about ageing and how much we look forward to our wisdom. We acknowledged that we take life too seriously and need to chill out sometimes and not let our egos take over what is essential in life.
We also talked about how much we wished our mothers could experience this, not be so miserable in their depression, and experience the beauty of life. Despite our cultural differences, we commiserate on our mother’s generation, who are sad, depressed and trapped in their repeating thoughts.
We acknowledged that it was a different time for our mothers to grow up. They grew up in scarcity and feared for their lives. They did their best to raise us, given their knowledge. But unfortunately, they cannot possibly give what they didn’t receive as children. So we acknowledged and appreciated what they sacrificed to give us our freedom today as modern females.
We laughed at the fact we paid so much money to experience this, only to realize the bliss and clarity are always there. We can always access them. Yet when we get back to our lives, we get drawn into the human drama and suffering, and sometimes we lose the essence of life or the present moment.
Closing Ceremony
After the walk, we had a closing ceremony where everyone shared their experience. We listened without judgement and nodded in silence whenever we felt the same feelings and thoughts. We are not that different in the end. We are human beings experiencing being human, and we share the connection when we leave our egos behind.
The ceremony reminded me that life’s joy, clarity, and simplicity are always there- I can always access this feeling, this mentality, this clarity whenever I am present with life. Present with what is.
I also realized to continue my journey of self-discovery, learning and unlearning about things that make me human. Finally, the last lesson I knew was that I must keep practising meditation to strengthen my focus on the present moment.
I will continue to live life to the best of my abilities and focus on what truly matters to me- love, family, nature, mental health, health, and spirituality.
Have you tried San Pedro? If not, are you curious to try it? Let me know in the comments section.
